New!

New semester. New job. New a lot of things. And I love it.

I finished the first week of the new semester! Well, two days, but whatever. So far, I really think I'm going to love my classes. I'm taking Communicating Ag to the Public, Consumer Meats, Photography, Video Production, and Intro to Public Relations.

Another rant...I'm so happy

I swear if I see one more status on facebook saying stupid stuff like "I don't need to wear makeup to look pretty. I'm real, I don't need plastic surgery to feel good about myself. I don't believe in name brand clothes. etc. etc." I. will. go. crazy. It's really funny when you think about it though, because the majority of people that post that (actually, everyone I have seen that post stuff like that) wears makeup and does their hair and tries to look cute. But that's not why it makes me crazy. Here's the deal, while you may feel good enough about yourself to not have plastic surgery, others do not...like me.
I am a strong supporter of plastic surgery. Why not fix something you're not comfortable with? I mean, it's so easy these days! And yes, I'm about to rant, but I feel like I have a respectable opinion because I have had plastic surgery. And guess what, I'm still a real person. People don't realize how much it sucks to get picked on because of physical characteristics. People also don't realize how heartbreaking it is to find the cutest dress ever just for it not to fit right in one area. I was unhappy with something that no amount of exercise or makeup could fix, so I got it surgically fixed. You know what? I am happy. I have so much more self confidence now. So will someone please tell me why you have to brag that you haven't had any work done? I will gladly tell anyone who asks that yes, I got a boob job. I will also tell them it's because I knew guys with bigger boobs than me before I got them done, and I'm talking normal sized guys, no man boobs. I am happier and I am WAY more confident than before. So what's the big deal here, people? Girls who post that nonsense as their status, here is what mine would say:

I wear makeup. I spend way too much money on pretty clothes. I have had plastic surgery. I own more shoes than anyone I know. I am proud of it, because you know why? It's a girl's right to make herself feel beautiful.

Boredom.

Boredom strikes once again. Unfortunately, that's a pretty common thing for me. Even more unfortunate, that's when I start disliking myself. Don't worry, it's not like a self-loathing thing. I love me. But when I'm bored, I'm bored with me. I'm not ok with my appearance. I love my hair now, but every time I get bored (like right now), I think "hey, I wonder what it would look like darker/lighter/shorter/without bangs/with bangs/insert any possible hairdo here. I consider going to extreme lengths when I'm this bored, which is fun and all, but anyone that knows me knows that I'll do something just to say I've done it, and a mixture of those two things could very easily equal up to some trouble. When I'm bored like this, I've considered dying my hair brown, bleaching my hair, or just completely redoing it. I've considered taking out all of my piercings but my ears, but I kind of like them, so I don't know about that. I've considered getting a tattoo, but I couldn't imagine anything I wouldn't get tired of within three weeks. I start thinking of all of the things I could possibly change without surgery, and think what all I could do to push the limits that would still look good.

Here's the deal, I want to be a flapper, and a pin up girl, and to live in a time where everyone dresses up their best to go out. Guys wear suits, girls wear pretty things. I want it to be perfectly normal for someone to show up somewhere with freshly done pin curls and red lipstick. I want someone who will accept the fact that this is what I want. That's just not found around here now days. But hey, I'd probably get bored with that too.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy with me?

I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back blogging. I'm back in Lubbock. I'm back. So much has happened to me this summer while I haven't been writing, and some of it I can't even begin to explain.

I'm finally back in West Texas. Sometimes I think that this feels more like home than home does. I'm completely moved in to my new place, which I love. I would post pictures, but I've been too lazy to take any. I get to see my friends on a nearly daily basis, and I get freedom. Moving in has been tough, since we had to bring all of our own furniture, but it's so worth it. My bedroom set means more to me than almost anything else I own. It was my great-grandmother's. It used to be in my bedroom at home before I redid it and switched out to a different furniture set we had in storage. Well, Gommie, I'm using your stuff again. I stripped it though. My Gommie bought this bedroom set in the 40s, I think. My grandmother said it was the only thing she knew of Gommie spending a good amount of money on, which made it even more special to me. It's not exactly how it was, because I stripped it and painted it black and silver, but I know Gommie would be so happy I'm using it. She'd be even happier that it was a family affair redoing it. My mom, my grandmother (Gommie's daughter), and I stripped it. My grandfather repainted it, and my friend and I added some finishing touches on the painting as soon as I got to Lubbock with it. I never plan on getting rid of this. Ever. It means the world to me.

I found out just how horrible people are. Someone who claimed to love me and someone who claimed to be my best friend are together now. But don't get me wrong, I wasn't very upset when I found out. I knew it was coming. It was actually a huge relief. I could no longer be lied to. And you know what, I think I might've found someone new to try a relationship with. I didn't just meet him, but I'm just getting to really know him and spend time with him, and I like him. I really do. Fingers crossed that this turns out how I want it to. It's such an adjustment to me to be back just flirting and just starting to like someone. I like it. For the first time in months, I don't want to go to sleep at night because I don't want to miss talking to him. For the first time in months, I get butterflies in my stomach. I smile more than ever. For the first time in months, I have a crush on someone, and I'm seeing where it will take me.

I'm inspired again. I am back. Hopefully for good this time.

Fashion Faux Pas

I have come to an astounding conclusion. I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I've finally made up my mind. Get ready for it...getting closer...

There is no such thing as fashion, only confidence.


That's right, you heard me. Fashion is a bunch of made up, bogus, bullshit. There is such thing as style, because everyone has one, but there is no such thing as fashion.

There will always be the ever-stylish classics such as the little black dress and high heels, but that's not fashion. I truly believe that fashion is whatever you can get away with. What you can get away with solely depends on your confidence.

I've never seen anyone look good while thinking they look horrible. I've seen people look amazing wearing nonsense because they exude confidence like none other and can pull it off. If you like what you're wearing, go for it. Be happy with what you wear, you're the one wearing it, not anyone else. Who cares about colors, cut, size, or inspiration as long as it fits you well and you like it!

As a small disclaimer though, there are a few things that will always look ridiculous no matter how confident you are. Just be prepared for the criticism.

Tired and Uninspired

I've been working what seems like nonstop lately. Which isn't a bad thing, especially since I really need money to buy a few things right now. However, it is kinda taking a toll on me. I'm always tired. I eat too much sugar (I make snow cones). And I never get to see my family.
BUT...this blog is not about my troubles. I've been so busy lately, I've had absolutely no inspiration to write a blog. Or do anything creative for that matter. It also doesn't help that I miss all of my friends terribly, don't have any fun times to write about, and I'm not in love, which is always a huge inspiration.
Don't get me wrong though, I'm perfectly fine with being single. And that's what people don't get. Yes I say things about being lonely. Yes I make jokes about not having a boyfriend. But I'm still happy as I am. I don't want a relationship just to have a relationship. I want it to actually mean something, and I guess that's what is wrong with me. But it's whatever.
I work again tomorrow. Maybe I'll have something interesting to write about sometime. Maybe not. Sorry my blog is boring.

Go Away.

Why is it that we always want what we can't have? Or why we always want what we know we shouldn't want? It's ridiculous and always leads to nothing but hurt.

I am sad to admit that I want something I know I shouldn't want, and know I can't have. I have tried to convince myself for months that I don't want this thing. I don't need it. No one else wants me to have it. Why should I want it? At least that is what I keep telling myself. It's like a nagging fly that I can't make go away; I swat and I swat, and every once in a while it disappears for a little while, but it always returns.

For a while I talked myself out of wanting anything to do with wanting this, but it changed. Imagine that. If there is one person that is horrible at talking myself out of things, it's me. I have tried and tried and I just can't shake this.

I hate to say, recently the nagging fly has returned. I don't know if it's the overflow of memories or just being at home alone, but the want is back. I, once again, find myself wanting something I know that I can't have. And I tell myself daily that I don't want this and I don't need this, but there is a little voice inside my head saying "if this wasn't meant to be, why is there still something telling me to hold on?" And I'm unfortunately holding on as tight as I can because I can't talk myself into letting go. And me holding on is hurting like hell. Can someone please explain to me why it's like this? I'm trying my hardest and still can't let go. I'm trying and going nowhere but possibly backward. I want something I know I shouldn't want, and I wouldn't recommend that to anyone. I would just like this situation to go away.